My baby only cries for me
When my first baby, Cora, was three weeks old, she had gastroesophageal reflux. No fun, believe me! For one week, she cried and cried and cried. Nothing I did helped. I couldn’t stand the urgent pained screaming and feeling like she was begging me to make it better, when I just didn’t know how.
However, she only cried when she was with me. If her Daddy or her Granny or even a total stranger was holding her, she seemed quite happy. “My baby hates me!” I thought. “She hates me because I’m the Mummy and I’m meant to make her feel better, but I can’t!” ;I felt extremely guilty and rejected. I had thought that I would be a good mother, but my baby certainly didn’t seem to think so.
My mother, who came over to help me during the early weeks, had a different perspective on the situation. She arrived one day while I was in tears. Sobbing, I handed the baby to her. “You take her. She hates me!” I explained how she only cried when I was holding her and I just couldn’t do anything to make her feel better.
And then my Mum told me something that has sustained me ever since. “My darling, she only cries for you because you’re the only one she trusts. She can’t tell her troubles to just anyone, you know. She needs her mummy to listen to her. No-one else will do.”
Gradually I absorbed what my mother had said. Gradually, my sense of inadequacy melted away. And within a few days I found that her crying now made me feel only love and compassion. Instead of pleading with her to tell me what was wrong and what to do, I found myself saying, “That’s right my darling. You tell me all your troubles,” as I rocked and danced with her.
I did manage to make it better in the end. I took her to a pediatric osteopath who relieved the problem within a month. And I am a good mother. And even when they’re not sick, babies still cry, sometimes for unfathomable reasons. It is still hard to listen to her cry. And sometimes I cope better than others. But I keep coming back to the honor that it is I she trusts enough to cry to.
I saw a friend a week ago. She had her own six-week-old daughter with her. She was also having trouble coping with her baby’s crying. So I told her the secret that my mother told me. I hope it helped.
And I hope it helps you, too.
Author - Mary Pagendam-Turner
Mary Pagendam-Turner once intended to become an obstetrician. However, when she fell became pregnant during her pre-medical degree, she shifted her focus to natural health and fertility. She is now the mother of three beautiful daughters, a flower essence practitioner, writer and perennial student of birth and parenthood. Her area of specialty is the childbearing year, and future plans include developing a childbirth education course.
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