Breastfeeding in the Third Year €“ A Personal Perspective
I had no idea before I began that I would be breastfeeding a two and a half year old child. I had assumed that a woman who continued to breastfeed an older child was meeting her own needs more than the child’s. Mind you when I made those judgments, I was completely ignorant of the research into the benefits of long-term breastfeeding. You can see that information and experience have radically changed my perspective.
I intended to breastfeed because I had had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I wanted to reduce Siena’s chances of developing allergies and to boost her immunity. I am a bit of a purist so if there is an original way to do something then that is usually my preference. It seems to me that breastfeeding is specially designed for babies and mothers; it has extraordinary complexity but a simple delivery system. It also comes attractively packaged so why wouldn’t that be my first choice?
My husband and I planned a birth centre delivery and hoped to be home within 48 hours of Siena’s birth. Therefore, we prepared for this early departure by attending an ABA (Australian Breastfeeding Association) breastfeeding seminar beforehand. It was practical, thorough and friendly and I knew that I had found an organization that would continue to be a valuable resource for us. Discovering that ABA also had a 7-day a week help line was a great reassurance.
Siena was born in the birth centre and attached to the breast a few minutes later, although between us it did take a week to get the attachment right. She is now two and a half years old and still attached for a daily nap, bedtime and early morning feed. Siena rarely requests a “snuggle”(diplomatic codeword) outside of these timeslots but remains committed to the ones she does have. So far, I have been willing to continue to breastfeed while I believe that she benefits from it. I’ve learnt that breastfeeding has a complex range of benefits for both of us, far in excess of the nutritional factors. So far, it has been relatively easy to accommodate her needs without feeling any great burden on myself. Mind you, I acknowledge that working part-time from home has made this easier to do.
So why am I still breastfeeding? I have had comprehensive information about the long-term benefits of breastfeeding and a supportive network, which have empowered me to continue. (A pro-breastfeeding partner is a key factor in women continuing to breastfeed.) This is despite a popular culture that still is awkward about the natural function of the human breast. When I began to breastfeed, I guessed 12-18 months as a suitable length of time to breastfeed. Let’s face it in our culture breastfeeding toddlers or an older child up to four years old is neither common nor understood. If you do so then you are likely to be challenged by relatives and friends, or even complete strangers.
I am grateful for accurate research and community resources. I subscribed to ABA and have found their website and meetings to be most informative. It has been refreshing to be in places where I could breastfeed freely. The more I discovered about the complex range of breastfeeding benefits the more committed I became. Here ‘at my fingertips’ was the most amazing, specialized food. It was preparation free, the perfect temperature and hygienically vacuum packed. In addition, there is a complex range of physiological benefits. It has the daily benefits of relaxation and stress tolerance but there are also the long-term benefits of a reduction in uterine and ovarian cancers and osteoporosis.
In our culture, we seem to be unaware of the physiological benefits of breastfeeding. We have arbitrarily decided that breastmilk is only for babies compared with other cultures which breastfeed for a number of years. In fact, the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until a child is two years of age. The best thing about breastfeeding I’ve experienced is that it is an important part of developing intimacy and communication with my child. A light bulb came on for me when I read “The Baby Book” by Dr. William and Martha Sears. He is a Paediatrician, she is a breastfeeding consultant, and they have eight children. Dr. Sears impressed me by saying when he began practicing paediatrics 30 years ago he had a great deal of medical information but he couldn’t answer parents regular parenting questions. For example: How do you comfort a crying baby? , How long should I breastfeed my child for? , Where should my baby sleep? So he observed parents who parented well and asked them what they did and why? Consequently, their practice is guided by advocating an intuitive style of parenting.
The Sears recommend Attachment Parenting e.g. Taking your cues from the baby, baby wearing and co-sleeping etc. It was a refreshing change to read an approach that facilitated the child’s needs without damaging their trust. It gave us confidence as parents that we already had the capacity to respond intuitively even if we might need some practise. I breathed a sigh of relief, they were talking my language. It gave us as parents an “odds on” chance of having a satisfied baby and satisfied mother without resorting to methods with which we felt uncomfortable. Learning Siena’s body language to establish what she required helped in the immediate term in responding accurately to her needs. It also helps in the long term to build trust for the future that we will continue to be tune in to her needs.
Attachment Parenting highlights the benefits of allowing a child to wean (from the word meaning ‘to ripen’) in their own time. The benefits of this are numerous. Research shows that these children are e.g. more independent, gravitate to people more than things, easier to discipline, experience less anger and radiate trust. The contrasting results of the risks of premature weaning are e.g. anger, aggression, habitual tantrum like behaviour, and anxious attachment to caregivers, less ability to form deeper and more intimate relationships. I don’t know about you but for us the sound of the benefits are worth a bit more investment at this stage. If there are methods we can adopt to make it easier for all of us then we’re willing to try them. There is of course no guarantee what the results of adopting a particular parenting method will be. However, the research presented by the Sears appears to validate a straightforward, user-friendly approach that sits comfortably for us. It’s anecdotal but rewarding to hear other parents express surprise that Siena is not at all clingy and is such a confident child.
How have I coped with public criticism? My first strategy to combat criticism is confidence. This of course stems directly from knowing what I’m doing and why. Information is important but so is choosing my battles. There are some instances when I anticipate that the person might listen and get something beneficial from discussing breastfeeding and other times when there is just no point. I have on occasion avoided speaking about breastfeeding let alone being seen to be actually doing so because it has been so contentious. This is rarely an issue now because Siena breastfeeds at home before sleeping or upon waking so nobody else sees it happening.
I try to be discrete and avoid negative discussions about breastfeeding. I acknowledge a woman’s right to do what is best for her family. I hope to be offered the same courtesy. If I have doubts or concerns about breastfeeding, I only air them in a supportive and knowledgeable context. Too many well meaning but “information poor” advisors will leap in with the suggestion, “Perhaps it’s time you thought about weaning?” I try to be positive, non threatening and humorous and it pays to have some responses “up my sleeve”. If I think I will be challenged then I work out some responses in advance.
In fact, by writing this article I’m sure to be asked questions if not challenged. It started yesterday with my neighbour asking what I was working on and then, “When do you think your might stop breastfeeding?” I anticipate that it will conclude sometime within the next twelve months. I will continue as long as it is still beneficial for Siena, comfortable for me and can be accommodated within our family life. Perhaps a conclusion to Siena’s breastfeeding is closer than we think. My three and a half year old niece was very proud of the “Weaning party” she had six months ago when she stopped breastfeeding. This morning Siena requested some cake for a “Weaning party” for her toys so perhaps this phase of her life might be gently drawing to a close.
Author - Mandy Adams
Mandy is a 42 year old former Social worker, married to Tony, mum to Siena. She is a Community Educator with the Australian Breastfeeding Association and is studying creative writing. Mandy had Chronic Fatigue syndrome over a 10-year period and derived great benefit from both alternative therapies and environmental medicine.
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