Allowing Birth to Stir Our Creative Soup
Birth can be a tremendous opportunity to take a really good look at the stuff you are made of and to go on wondrous journeys based on your findings. I have been blessed with experiencing two very different births. The birth of my daughter, Trinity was an emergency Caesarean-section after a planned homebirth. My son, Jimi Jazz was born at home after 42 weeks of pregnancy and then some. I really had no idea how far and deep I flowed, motherhood had broken the banks and flooded out all over the place.
My emergency C-section and the subsequent Post Natal Depression experienced during the first 12 months of motherhood created an opening for change. This traumatic birth opened my heart and at the same time gave me a really big fright. It took me quite some time to embrace the new softness I had acquired and to accept the fearful side of myself that had emerged.
I became fascinated with the spiritual gifts and possibilities of self growth that birth offers. This passion for birth drove me to study as a doula with Michel Odent in London. This emersion allowed me to really look at my trauma and grief, to own everything about the experience.
Birthing Jimi Jazz at home in my 42nd week of pregnancy showed me just how strong and sure I could be. My softness and vulnerability had been discovered when I first became a mother, now though I had the chance to be a vaginally birthing woman! To let go, soften and surrender to birth while being in my own power was amazing and very healing. I felt open and connected - in a great place to start a new adventure.
During the snippets of clarity which broke through a fog of post birth sleep deprivation I wrote down the story that became the children's book €˜My Brother Jimi Jazz'. I really just put it into words, the story itself was written by our family's experience of birth. The huge decision to share it had been made. Everything else just seemed to spring forth from the boldness of this deciding.
When the post birth fog had cleared slightly I sat up drawing while my babies slept. The illustrations were shaped in my mind during the day while playing, reading stories, breastfeeding and hanging out nappies. In the quiet calmness of my children sleeping the drawings would surface, echoing the beauty of our day.
Artistically being a Mama is inspiration soup; the challenge is finding the moment to release all of this inspiration. It is always a juggling act, balance is tenuous. I fall off the tightrope all of the time and the harmony is lost. I become unfocused and stagnant until I find a new composure. I often discover that I have developed artistically, found a new rhythm with my children or let go of some limiting expectation.
Birth and mothering has been the catalyst in finding this place of harmony where my life and art are woven together. Looking back over the last five years a magical path that has led me to this place emerges, the places I have been essential to my destination of here and now. I am delighted by a seemingly endless well of inspiration.
The births of my children are as clear to me as eating my porridge this morning yet it has a hazy dream-like quality when I try to recall details. The specifics are clouded with years of life's journey yet the essence of birth has been my guiding light as I swim through time.
Chrissy Butler
Chrissy Butler is a mother, artist, author and doula. She lives with her two children and partner in Byron Bay. Chrissy is the author of the popular homebirth children's book "My Brother Jimi Jazz". She has just released a second book called 'The Wonderful Place' which is a celebration of full term breastfeeding.
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